Hobbyist candlemaker refuses to make 30 candles for free for their coworker's sister's baby shower despite guilt-tripping pressure: 'But you'd basically just be doing what you already do'

• "Asked what scents I make, how long it takes, whether I sell them. I said no I just make them for myself and sometimes give them as gifts. She said "oh you should totally sell them, people love that stuff."

  Fine, normal response, I've heard it before."

  via OrfRasp

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  via Pexels (Yan Krukao)

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• There's nothing wrong with asking your colleague a few questions about their hobbies outside of work. In fact, this kind of curiosity about another person's interests and skills can be a super enriching way to get to know the folks you spend 40 hours per week sitting together. 

  But there's a fine line between asking questions to get to know someone in an interpersonal way, versus asking questions to case them and prime them for a favor. Seeing right through their thinly veiled attempt, this candlemaker was no stranger to the seemingly benign demands of people who want to cash in on the “friends and family” discount. 

• "Then on Monday she stops by my desk and goes 'so I was thinking, my sister's baby shower is in three weeks, could you make like 30 small candles as favors? Something floral, maybe rose or lavender, with a little label?' I said oh I don't really do that, it's just a hobby. She said 'but you'd basically just be doing what you already do."

  via OrfRasp

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  via Canva+ (Jacob Lund)

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• What makes this candlemaker's response so refreshing is that she never tries to put on a front that she's trying to start a business or “gain exposure” at all. 

  She just likes making candles. 

  Can't a hobby just remain simple and passion-driven? Why must society consistently reinforce the idea that everyone needs to turn their hobby into a side hustle? Oftentimes, that steals the joy and pleasure right out of a hobby, which this candlemaker knew would be the case if she accepted this endeavor. 

  30 candles made specifically for someone else, who doesn't even appreciate the work that goes into each vessel, could be enough work to fully dim the light of passion in this candlemaker's soul. And as a fellow hobbyist who cherishes a non-moneymaking skill, hobbies are sacred and must be protected at all costs. No project is worth risking your love for an intrinsically valuable hobby. 

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  via Pexels (Valda Karpovich)

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• " I explained that making 30 matching candles with custom labels in three weeks is genuinely a lot of work and materials aren't free. She said 'I mean I wasn't expecting to pay full price obviously, more like a friends and family thing.' I asked what she had in mind. She said 'maybe just cover your costs? It would be great exposure though.'"

• "Exposure. For candles. I make in my kitchen. For fun. I just said I didn't have the capacity right now and left it there. She seemed a little put out. Mentioned it again two days later with 'I just thought it'd be a nice thing to do for my sister.' Like now it's about whether I'm a nice person. I'm still making my candles. None of them are going to a baby shower."

  via OrfRasp

• This candlemaker did what many of us struggle to do; she said “no.”

  For many, this single word is tough to choke out, but when the sanctity of your favorite, peace-bringing hobby is on the line, a person's got to draw a boundary line to protect it. Coworkers and colleagues come and go, but your candlemaking passion can be forever… Provided you don't cut your wick too short with superfluous, guilt-driven projects.

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  via Pexels (Vlada Karpovich)

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• MrsBoo

  That’s when you direct her to the Dollar Tree or Walmart- they have small scented candles.

• OrfRasp [OP]

  next time she brings it up I'm genuinely going to suggest this

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  cunfabuloust

  I make wax melts for myself. I've had this same thing happen. "You don't want to make money?!?" was what i was hit with. No, i don't. I just like to play around with smells on my time and at my whim, thanks. 

• refrained

  It would be a nice thing for HER to do for her sister. Let her put in the effort and time!  I'm glad you said no!

• PinkyLeopard2922

  I make jewelry. It is for myself or gifts for other people. I have had to explain to a lot of people that I don't sell it because it is something I enjoy doing, a hobby. As soon as something becomes an obligation, all of the joy would be sucked right out of it. OP, I tried to imagine someone asking me to make a bunch of jewelry for free or at cost for an event and I'm with you, hahaha, naw.

• secondarycontrol

  Oh, I'd love to help you - but I don't think I have enough ear wax for 30 candles....

• chysa

  If I ever started a business around my crafts and people asked for "Friends and family" prices, I'm pulling up a chart that has double price for anyone asking for "friends and family" prices.

  If someone wants to make something for you at cost that is their choice.

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